Well ladies, it was great to hear from all of you. I got the chance to personally chat with all of you except for Ali....(why love, are you so evasive? Do you still like me?!) 

In todays entry, I'd like to touch a little bit more on what else I have been doing in China (besides Boys.....haha. just a little jokie.) 

Beijing is an absolutely fascinating place. Every comfort I have ever wanted to indulge in that I just couldn't afford to indulge in back in the states, is at my fingertips here. A typical day in the life of me begins as such:

* 7 am- I wake up. ( I know! Ali- Could you ever believe it?) I shower and all that other good stuff. 

*8 am- 11am. - I have class. 

* 11am- rest of the day (My personal free time). 

During this personal free time I indulge in such activities

*Going out for lunch with friends 

*A Pedicure

* Coffee at a Nearby cafe

*Shopping

*dinner with friends

* I catch up on TV episodes. 

On the weekends, the whole group of us CET people (about 20 or so) will go out and enjoy the nightlife.  There are bars, and nightclubs galore, and for many, ladies night means drinks are on the house if you are priveliged enough to own a vagina. I have a favorite Salsa Club, a favorite Cafe, access to really good Chinese food as well as really good Western Food....and I even dress better while I am here. 

I live a priveliged life here. but on the downside:

* The air here is abysmal, and the weather is easily affected by it. As a girl who loves her sunshine, i find myself immersed in gray days far too often.  

* I don't get very much exercise here, and I fear that I am gaining weight. 

* The closest people to me arnt here to enjoy it with me .

* It can be frustrating to not speak the language very well. To know that the other person knows that you dont understand 70percent of the conversation, to be a foreigner not a native of China....I can feel this in the way stare at me, in how they give preference for seating on the subway train to their fellow Chinese, rather than me.  I only get preference when I am paying money.....

* I hate getting pushed around in crowds, and damn there are tons of them. And politeness doesnt really exist here. People will cut you, take your turn.etc. 

*I guess the culture is just different in general. I feel as a foreigner that Beijing has become an US and THEM situation. I don't really connect with the Chinese people on a whole, and I feel the frustrations of feeling like I will never be able to blend in. Because even if I were to start acting more chinese, it wouldn't change the way I look. 

* The pizza will never be good enough. 

* Its hard to be efficient here. Even if I want to go to as simple a place as a pharmacy, its a big ordeal. 

* I am never really buying something for the cheapest I can get it for, I just THINK I am . 

*Beijing is really disoriented. It doesn't have a center, a downtown of sorts. I feel lost in the vastness of it sometimes. 

* I often feel alone, and that I have noone very close to me. 

Who knows? Maybe this will change once Matt gets here. There was a time when I he was the closest person to me. 

But that brings me to another point.....I'm tired of losing my friends. Thats the problem with being friends with boys. Its just not possible. They are there one second, gone the next. Men and Women simply cannot be friends. It just doesn't happen. It's something I realized the hard way here in Beijing.  

 

However, this entry isn't about Boys.  And yet the fact that it is taking me so long to think of what to write about next, is REALLY scaring me.......

       I'm scared. So much time has passed already, and I feel like I haven't accomplished very much. Almost 1/3 of my time in Beijing has elapsed and yet what do I have to say for it? My language ability is progressing at the rate of a VERY slow turtle, and I don't feel like I spend enough time with the Chinese friends. Every Chinese girl (chinese guys dont approach me really), that has asked to be my friend, I have completely neglected. Not on purpose, I just feel like the effort is too much. I don't even try to understand the cultural differences that stand between us. I need to rethink what my purpose here is. It has been wonderful to be single for as long as I have. But in the end, it can sometimes be an empty existence. When you juggle so many guys at once, you can never truly get close to one guy....because as soon as you do....then you no longer feel as free as you once did to indulge in the company of others of the opposite sex. But being single has become who I am here in Beijing. When I think back to the past three months, I can only think of them in phases and the phases are characterized by which guy I was with at the time.  I measure time through boys, I measure my happiness through boys, and I measure how attractive I feel by which boy notices me.  It IS fun.....no doubt. I can't deny how good it feels when an attractive guy buys you a drink and puts his arm around your waste....it's nice.....but I feel like ultimately we are seeking that one person who completes us somewhat. Im not sure how healthy this is either. We are not happy unless we are with someone. Therefore, in conclusion, I feel like the best option would be being single and achieving that which is the most difficult to achieve.....the feeling of comfort and confidence in being alone. We can be our own best company. You will never fight over the menu because you know exactly what you want to order, and sometimes it is only when you are alone that you can truly learn the most about yourself through yourself. I write to you, alone, in my favorite cafe.....a cafe that has become my favorite cafe because it is one of the places in Beijing where I know I can be alone. I take myself out on dates here as often as I can. I spoil myself with a 3 course meal, a fancy drink, some good conversation with myself. And in the process of accepting our solitary selves, love/sex/hookups/companionships/whatever the fuck you are looking for/ will inevitably find you.....when it knows it no longer wants to be found.  Lizard....being single (REALLY SINGLE.....the way the word is supposed to be defined) is a wonderful thing. Treasure it. Treasure the ability to stand on your own two feet, to find happiness on your own, and to know how to save a rainy day with no one to spend it with. 

I promised myself this wouldnt be an entry about boys. Dammit. 

See what I mean?